Art & Photography · life lessons

Where I’ve Been

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Hi everyone! I haven’t been around much lately, and I thought I’d tell you why.

A few weeks ago my friend Janessa shared this article, http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7469526, and it really got me thinking. High vagal tone = less pain for people with chronic conditions (arthritis, in this study). They used an implant to stimulate the vagas nerve, but they found that people who did a loving kindness meditation every day increased their vagal tone just as well as the implants.

So it got me thinking…

And that thinking led me to two apps that have been helping me take better care of myself, meditate, and basically get my life.

The first Android app I found is called The Fabulous: Motivate Me!

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=co.thefabulous.app&hl=en&referrer=utm_source%3Dgoogle%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_term%3Dthe+fabulous+app&pcampaignid=APPU_1_NaWBVZKgJ5HHsQTQroOQDw

It helps me make small positive changes in my life, and I absolutely love it.

The next Android app I found is Lifesum

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sillens.shapeupclub&hl=en&referrer=utm_source%3Dgoogle%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_term%3Dlifesum+app&pcampaignid=APPU_1_GqaBVa27AviQsQToubioDQ

It’s a calorie tracking app that is so positive and caring that I can’t help but succeed! My problem is not eating enough. I know. I’m fluffy. I must eat too much. But that is not the case. I tracked my calories a while ago and I was only eating between 500 and 800 calories a day! What the hell???!

Well, when I am tired and in pain, feeding myself just isn’t a priority.

But now it is.

And that is where all of my energy has been going to lately – feeding myself. And drinking enough water. And meditating. And taking time to do something special for myself every day. And removing a box of clutter from my house every day. Basically, lots of little tiny goals spread throughout the day aimed at making me feel better inside and out.

So for the first time in forever (you sang that, didn’t you lol) I am properly caring for myself… And it’s exhausting! It’s like a full time job! What the hell??! But, it is rewarding as FUCK.

So this is where I’ve been and where all my energy has gone. I’m thinking that pretty soon this full time job will start feeling like a part time job and I will have the energy to keep the page going again. But until then, I’m spent and my presence will continue to be pretty sporadic.

I’ve gotten such wonderful messages from some of you saying how much you look forward to my ridiculousness, and I am truly humbled. Thank you, and I can’t tell you how much I feel like I’m letting you down while I take this time for myself. But I know you get it.

I hope you read the article. I hope you try the meditation and the apps. And I hope to be back in your newsfeed very soon.

Until then, keep smihlen! (:

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Art & Photography · life lessons · oh momma!

Tender

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He’s so tender and I’m so tired
Childhood only lasts so long
He’s so little and I’m so big
But soon he’ll be big, too

I’ll regret these days
Every single moment that I didn’t hold him
He’s so tender
He cries if we don’t get to watch Full House together
One day he won’t want to be with me
What will I do then?

Am I good enough, did I do enough
Did I not screw it up enough?
Does he know, really know, that he’s loved?
Could I have done more, said less, held longer, tried harder?
Will he look back and say he had a good childhood? A good mother?

He’s so tender and I’m so tired…