Friday Feats & Fails with More Than Cheese & Beer – First Week of 2015

I’m in a weird place right now. I know, I know, I’m always in a weird place. But I mean an even WEIRDER place than usual. And what a better way to explain it all than with a nice tidy little list of my Feats & Fails in this very first week of 2015.

FEAT – Went to the dentist for the first time in only prehistoric baby jeebus knows how long. The receptionist was irritating…and then it turned out the receptionist was the dentist…and then it turned out that he was gay and not really so much irritating as snarky. Whatever. I went to an arts school so I totally speak snarky, gay, and snarky gay, so once I realized what language I needed to interpret from I was totally ok and actually started to enjoy myself.  He even took his hands out of my mouth so I could answer his questions, and I discovered the key to a good convo with him was complaining about something together. Can he be my new best friend, please? Also, the real FEAT here is that I even bothered going in the subzero blowing snow and that the vortex in my molar was actually just a cavity and no root canal is needed. Also, he did NOT make my whole mouth hole bleed. Thanks for that, new best friend snarky gay dentist.

Damn. That whole last sentence was just a total FEAT on it’s own.

FAIL – I have to have three tooth roots pulled. THIS is why I don’t go to the dentist.

FEAT – I was feeling low so I took some time to clear out a nice little space in my small kitchen for me to use all of my various kitchen gadgets that I adore – like my coffee maker, my magic bullet (NOT a sex toy, I promise), my Mickey Mouse waffle maker (secretly I’m 12), and my George Foreman grill. The result? I’ve used the waffle maker three times this week as compared to three times last YEAR, and I even tried two crazy things I saw on Pinterest (it’s a trap!) – putting cinnamon roll dough in the waffle maker and putting scrambled eggs in the waffle maker (BOTH were WINS). The George Foreman grill gets used all the time, but instead of having to place it on a tiny scrap of counter space I had plenty of room to work my marinated chicken breast tenderloins magic. And I used the magic bullet to make my own powdered sugar, but let’s not talk about that.

FAIL – I used my Magic Bullet to make my own powdered sugar. Why? I wanted to make those microwave meringue cookies (one egg white + 2 cups powdered sugar + knead into dough + break off bits and nuke them for about 3 minutes = it totally works!) but I only had a cup and a half of cocaine. I mean powdered sugar. Anyways, I tried getting away with the cup and a half but all I ended up with was a gooey mess, so I decided to make yet another mess and try my own hand at making my own powdered sugar out of granulated sugar and corn starch and let me just say PLEASE JUST BUY THE SHIT. No one warns you of the powdery gas cloud. No one. And now I have plenty of powdered sugar…on my floor, in my shoes, under the fridge. FML. Just don’t. Please.

FEAT – I’m finally coming out of my Lyrica dosage increase coma that I had been in for practically the entire month of December. Oh, hey, look – Life! Anyways, I woke up out of my coma and suddenly had very little interest in all of the things I had been using to compensate for the fact that I could not go out and participate in real life. Mainly Facebook. I just picked up my phone somewhere around the 2nd of January and thought “My friends do not live behind this tiny little screen.” And I also though that, after all these years, very few people have crossed over from the internet and into my real life. Those that have are total gems. So why should I put more energy in to whoring my life out for everyone to see when instead I could be strengthening the relationships that I do have, even it is just through personal texts, messages, emails, or phone calls? I don’t know what it is, but I suddenly feel a bit more protective over all I have to offer and I feel like you better be special for me to take the time to share it all with you. So, with the exception of my writing, my social media presence has been waning but my personal connections have been deepening. Because I don’t have energy for both, and I much prefer the latter.

FAIL – Along with this discard for social media has come a loss for words. Sure, this post is going well so far, but really I have found myself with nothing much important to say yet an intense need to say it. Does everything NEED to be important? Well, if your name is Stacy Ihlenfeld then, yes, apparently it does. This has resulted in about a million topics thrown out the window, posts discarded after a few sentences, and an overall feeling of YES BUT WHAT IS MY POINT. I hope this clears up soon. Otherwise I’m going to have to develop a drug habit or maybe become an adrenaline junky. Bah, I’m too lazy for either. We all know this.

FEAT – Everything that lives in my house is still alive. (:

FAIL – I parted my hair and found so much bling I thought someone put silver glitter in my shampoo. WHAT. WHY. HOW. NO. FUCK.

FEAT – I took inventory of the contents of my heart near the middle of December and found some pretty scary things living there. I’m happy to say that the scary shit has been evicted, the wounds tended to, and all the other mess properly cleaned up and dealt with. I am currently living life with a brand new, fully healed, happily open and healthy heart, and my ability to give and receive love has been completely restored. I just wish I had known about the blockage earlier, but, hey, I’m only 36. Some people don’t figure this shit out until they are on their old age death beds. But I’m good now. I’m totally good. And aware. And practicing love every day. (:

What about you?

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life lessons

Coffee Thoughts

Pretty sure this is the face an addict makes.

Last year I discovered Toasted Coconut coffee in the Aldi’s seasonal section and it quickly became “My Precious.” I ran out in a few months and simply bided my time until this winter came around when I knew My Precious would be back on the shelves. Only it wasn’t. I looked all over and just couldn’t find it anywhere and, quite honestly, I was pretty devastated. I told anyone who would listen to look for it, but I was sure no one really cared about My Precious but me.

So when I opened my Christmas present from my father to find an entire box full of the stuff, my joy was REAL. And when my father told me he had even grabbed the last bag right under my nose when we both showed up at the same Aldi at the same time just before Christmas and how he had to keep moving his cart ahead of me so that I wouldn’t see what he had done, I had such a good laugh and felt even more joy. These are my favorite kinds of gifts; the ones with good stories about how far someone would go for the other (and it has nothing at all to do with price as Aldi’s coffee is about $3.49 a bag).

So now I have My Precious in my hands once again, but here’s the thing about this coffee – it’s best with a sweetened creamer. Regular coffee I will drink black, but this coffee needs a little extra something to take full advantage of that coconut taste otherwise it almost feels as if I’ve wasted the flavor. I have just a little bit of caramel flavored creamer left and I’ve used it all in my very first cup of coffee this morning. It’s freaking delicious. I’m almost sad that my next cup will be black. I mean, I will still love it…but it just won’t be the same.

It makes me think that this is what it’s like when you find someone special. You love your life, but they make it just a bit sweeter. You could savor your life without them, but it’s almost a disappointment. And, somehow, you can even drink your coffee black and it tastes exactly as good as your preferred sweetened version just because they are around. Even the search for them is completely fruitless before you’ve met them, because before you met them you really didn’t know exactly what it was that you wanted. But once you know, nothing else will do. They are your all-time favorite for always.

I told you this coffee was good.