Posted in Uncategorized

Dating on the Interwebs, Part Two

A while ago I gave some much needed interwebs dating advice. (Missed it? Check it out here: https://smihlenfeld.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/dating-on-the-interwebs/ ) Today I’d like to share with you all a few minutes in the life of a woman searching for love on the interwebs.

image
Lovin online ain't easy...

We shall start following her thoughts just as she opens the online dating site of her choice…

Oooh, three new messages!  How exciting!

No, I don’t have a foot fetish. :::delete:::

Nope, I don’t want to chat with you via an unsecure instant messaging site that will not hold you accountable for the random pictures you send to me of your penis.  :::delete:::

Ooooh, this guy looks normal… Let me just click on his profile…

Woah, buddy. Put your shirt on! :::click:::

Well, let’s see what else is out there…

Why do you only have pictures of your dog? Where are*you*? :::click:::

And *you* only have pictures of your motorcycle? :::click:::

Wow, that is a lot of wood paneling. :::furious clicking:::

#SURPRISE PENIS PIC#

!!!

HOW DID THAT EVEN GET APPROVED?! ::: opens wine:::

Who’s children are in this picture with you? You don’t have kids but there are kids in these pictures… And they look hungry and a little dirty… :::click:::

OMG put your damn shirt back on! What is it with you guys?! :::considers logging off, but clicks for more profiles instead:::

And more dogs…

And more motorcycles… :::click, click:::

And a truck. Ok.

That’s *a lot* of flannel. Like, an inhumane amount. :::click:::                          

No shirt… Ugh.

No pants? Hmmm, at least that’s a new one.

Wait, I think those are pantyhose!

:::triple click:::

*Really long, useless, vague profile*

Wow, you’re such an enigma. You like to go out but also stay in, you are hilarious but know when to be serious. You like all music except country and rap, which means you only like half the music in the world. Wow. :::eyeroll, click:::

Oh, a kayak! And there you are on a mountain… :::click:::

Ok, either your mom or your ex-wife decorated your living room. Poorly.

Aaaaand put your damn shirt on!! :::click:::

You like bands no one has ever heard of, like to travel, go to museums, and work out. All that’s missing is…

Ah, there it is. A Pabst, thick framed glasses, and an ironic hat. Excellent. :::sarcastic and ironic hipster click:::

#SURPRISE *IMPLIED* PENIS PIC#

:::finishes wine:::

And you’re climbing a rock wall. Ok… :::click:::

Ooooh, this one looks good.

Wow, ok… similar interests, seems normal, not obsessed with the gym and knows how to construct a sentence… and he’s online now!  Woo hoo!

And he sent me a message!

Ok, ok… let’s see… hmm, good sense of humor… Chat more? Sure! I mean, I don’t usually use intant messenger, but I can make an exception just this once…

Aaaaaand…

*SURPRISE PENIS PIC!*

:::deletes profile:::

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Author:

Singer/songwriter and blogger/writer from Milwaukee, WI. Advocate for Fibromyalgia/Chronic Pain/Invisible Illness Awareness and Pure Ridiculousness. Possibly poops glitter. Definitely snorts when laughing. Has kept a child alive for 9 years and a house plant alive for 9 days. #chronicallyawesome

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