life lessons

I’m not oppositional; I’m just not going to do what you want me to do.

My intentions have been good: I have wanted to give you all a rip-roaring little funny piece of something, but as of late… things just haven’t been all that funny over here.

I mean, yes, there have been funny moments.  Hearing my son sing what his little 4 year old brain fathoms are the lyrics to current pop music – that’s been pretty funny.  Me paying for gas and then leaving without pumping – pretty funny by the next day, not so funny when it happened. But past all that, things have been a little groggy over here and I hate to admit that I have been a little punchy and even angry.  And I’ve been quite verbal about it all.

I’m guessing it is the meds.  In December, due to all the extra pain of my surprise bulging discs, my bullshit tolerance dropped to zero.  Things weren’t that much different, though, because I still kept most of it inside.  Now my filter has dropped to zero, and the world is suddenly a very different place.

This person kept interrupting me and cutting me off over the phone.  They are known to do this and it really pisses me off but rarely do I say anything because he is kind of my family court lawyer.  This time, however, from the moment I thought “I am going off on his ass” to the moment my mouth was running like you pulled the rip cord on a chainsaw was about… a nanosecond.

And it scared me.

And then it felt awesome.

I’ve been living my life, for so long, in fear of “being good or else”.  Or else what?  Exactly… I didn’t know, but I didn’t want to fnd out.  Now I know – or else you are a bitch.  Well la-de-freakin-da. I’m a bitch.  Gimmie my gold star NOW.

It used to be difficut for me to say no, to speak up for myself, to do what only I wanted to do not because I didn’t think I could, but because I didn’t want to make a big deal of things.  I wanted to be seen as agreeable and helpful because that would make people like me, be nice to me, and never treat me unfairly.  :::meds are making me roll my eyes right now:::  I am a very lax, go with the flow, kinda gal by natue.  I don’t want to make waves… except that now I kind of do.

My friend and I were talking about how this new side effect is probably really good for me.  Considering all the other side effects it gives me that are totally useless like a numb mouth and nose, uncoordination, extreme forgetfulness, and the feeling of being high AT THE SAME DAMN TIME (like a boss!), I do feel deserving of at least one super-hero side effect.

:::grabs evildoer by the shirt and pulls him up close to my face, starts talking in husky Batman voice:::

I want you to tell your friends about me.  I. Am. Bitchasaurus Rex.

Maybe not?

Super-hero or no, I am thankful for the loss of my filter.  Everyone else might not be, but, for once I’m not living to make their lives easier; I’m living to make mine easier.

My new motto?  Cause no harm whenever possible… but when need be, rip a new bunghole with your Bitchasaurus Rex teeth.

… because you can’t use your Bitchasaurus Rex arms since they are so damn tiny.

Bitchasaurus Rex has entered the mutherfuggin building.

Rar. (:


2 thoughts on “I’m not oppositional; I’m just not going to do what you want me to do.

  1. Ha, you are hilarious! This post made me laugh out loud, especially with the photo. I wanted to thank you for such a heart-felt comment you left on my site. It’s always such a relief to meet others who know exactly what its like. I hope your emotional (and physical (bulging discs? YIKES)) pain improves.

    1. Thank you. I don’t know many people who have gone through this, so talking about the loss of my mother can be strange but yet i know i need to. I can barely read my old posts on the subject, but i have been thinking about putting them together and giving them an ending of some sort. Not that the pain ends… But just an end to being so lost in it all i guess. I havent found the perfect way through the darkness, but i have found an ok way that works for me. I think. I want to follow you and your journey and maybe compare notes. 🙂

      And yes me and fibromyalgia and my bulging discs are just having a little party over here. Lol. They sure do like me… They dont want to leave!

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