Dating on the Interwebs

There are rules for using online dating sites. Just because no one posted them when you signed up doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

#1 Get to the Point. The purpose of a profile is to give someone an idea of who you are. Generally you want to give them the best looking idea, but an idea nonetheless. This means don’t lie, don’t lie by omission, and don’t only talk about how you can stay in or go out or how you like everything but rap and country. Really? Wow. You’re such an enigma…

Look, just talk about what’s important to you and your life and if you happen to not know yourself then have a friend write something for you. Nothing is worse than reading a profile that says nothing. The point is to help people decide if they are into you. And that brings me to…

#2 Be Interesting. Not “not yourself”… just interesting. Don’t send messages to people that just say “hi.” or “what’s up.” Why? Because those questions can be answered with one word AND you are the one who is interested in the other person, so you need to pique their interest. Let’s face it – if they were interested, they would have messaged you first! If you send out a message that can be answered with one word, it ill be answered with one word or not answered at all. And this brings me to…

#3 It’s the Internet – so two things apply – 1) we have the right to be picky and browse and read and stare, and 2) we have the right to not respond. It’s the essential beauty of the internet – anonymity. I don’t have to see your puppydog eyes when I tell you “no” and you can’t get creeped out when I download your picture for the 40th time. Stop getting indignant over people not responding to you. If they were interested, they would answer. It happens to everyone.

And with *that* I bring you to…

#4 You Don’t Know DateyMcGee83. *Do not fall in love with DMG83* based on their pics, or after one date, or even after three. Don’t commit suicide if DM83 doesn’t answer your 49 messages or never calls you back after your date. Don’t make out with DM83 on the first, second, or even third date. Hell, don’t do it for 3 weeks. Why? BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW DATEYMCGEE83!!!

profile pic
real life

If you truly want to be in a happy relationship, know who you’re dating. After you Google search, CCAPS, and Facebook stalk them, wait to fall for them until after you’ve seen them handle a bad situation. You may have to wait a while, but it’s easy to put on a front when things go well and not so easy when unexpectedly bad things happen. Also, pay attention to what they do and not just what they say. AND don’t be so eager for them to be everything you want – you’ll end up seeing only what you want to see and either covering up some serious warning signs or missing out on some awesomely surprising things.

Now take these rules, go forth, and get your creep on. Just be honest, interesting, thick-skinned, patient, and keep your damn tongue to yourself for at least a month!

Oh, and keep smihlen (:


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