Posted in oh momma!

Welcome to the Jungle

Our summer has been very interesting so far… if you consider being the only adult in a house full of at least three children, sometimes four, “interesting”. I call it insanity, but a happy insanity – like a big padded cell with lots of pills happy insanity. :::hysterical laughtet:::

My only child is almost 5, about to head to kindergarten, and I couldn’t bear a whole summer with me as his only playmate (nor could he, I’m sure) considering there are no kids his age in the neighborhood. So, we invited my niece and nephew over during the working weekdays so my son would have friends and my brother could go to work without being arrested for leaving his kids at home. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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They look so innocent, don't they?

Curious as to what this arrangement sounds like? You sick, sick puppies. Well, I guarantee you that it doesn’t sound anything like your parents’ house (no “get over here, missy” in my world)! Here are *my* most used phrases, in no particular order:

Child! Why is your voice is stuck on “sonic boom”?

If you mess with it and it bites you, I will not feel sorry for you.

Popsicles in the pool does not mean popsicles underwater!

Put your damn bikini bottom on the right way or you are banned from bikinis.

Don’t eat that, it’s gross.

Don’t drink that, it’s gross.

Don’t touch that, it’s gross.

Don’t lick that! Jeebus!

“Pool water tastes like bug blood! ” Then dont taste it.

“My water bottle tastes like pool water!” Then don’t drink it.

“She won’t share!” Then don’t play with her.

“I’m hungry!” I’m Mom/Auntie Stacy. Nice to meet you.

Find something better to do.

Not in *this* house!

Put clothes on that barbie now, or you’re not playing with them anymore!

I assure you, no one wants to see your butt or your weiner.

No more boyfriends and girlfriends! You all have invisible ones from now on!

Dude! Seriously?!

LEAVE THE CAT ALONE!

Do you need to get your hearing checked?!

Leave him alone!

Leave her alone!

Leave them alone!

Leave me alone!

Eat your vegetables or you’ll get scurvy.

Eat your vegetables, they have the antidote to the zombie virus I put in your juice.

THIS. IS. SPARTA!

Turn The Lady Gaga off now.

It’s Lady Gaga, not Baby Gaga.

My most used phrase is, without a doubt, You guys are weird, but I like weird kids. I know this because I overheard my niece say “I’m a weirdo, but Auntie Stacy likes weird kids!”

Hope you all are enjoying your summer as much as we are! (:

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Author:

Singer/songwriter and blogger/writer from Milwaukee, WI. Advocate for Fibromyalgia/Chronic Pain/Invisible Illness Awareness and Pure Ridiculousness. Possibly poops glitter. Definitely snorts when laughing. Has kept a child alive for 9 years and a house plant alive for 9 days. #chronicallyawesome

2 thoughts on “Welcome to the Jungle

    1. My theory was entertaining one child all day every day is awful, so friends are necessary. It helps if the friends are related because, as my previous post states, i ain’t watching yer kids unless i can swear at them. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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